Welcome Back to..?

Faced with nothing, other than a baby growing in my body, I find comfort that at least I have this blog. Why? Well, at least I have somewhere to vent...or otherwise just somewhere to mindlessly write about anything, whether it's interesting or not.

Looking back, if I was single...being in Del Rio would probably be the worst sentence to give. When you work on base, the last thing you really want to do is stick around after you're done with work. My place is about 27 mins away from base by a lake. << Makes for beautiful walks. haha

Yet, I found that my humble abode just makes me feel a lot more lonely than ever. I can't have a dog, because I'm gone for 12 plus hours. I can't have a cat because I can't clean the cat litter for toxic reasons...so I'm stuck with facebook, texting, Words With Friends, and T.V. Occasionally I'll hang out with a buddy whom I met from the base, but he's hardly ever around. In fact, he's most likely deploying here in a few months. The story of my life, everyone I met so far is just about to deploy. WTF!

So, that leaves me here, curled up on my couch in the usual position, trying to fight the extreme amount of hormones that want to make me cry at the dumbest things. Behind me in the 2nd bedroom is a bunch of stuff that was sent in the moving truck from Florida...slowly, but surely, I've been tackling that...but otherwise I can't really find much to do.

In a town with only a Wal-Mart, JcPenny, Ross, Bealls and a Home Depot...every time I head out I know only money will be spent.

BLAH!! Someone save me from this forsaken place... :'(

Whoa long time ..

Well, everything has a rhyme or reason to it. I apologize for ignoring my blog for so long. It's been quite a ... crazy last few weeks.

Since I can't say this on facebook, I'm free to do so here! I'm pregnant!! I'm slowly coming to terms with it. I'm a little afraid of something happening in the second trimester....I read something about "incompetent cervix" where the cervix is weakened by a biopsy or some other reason and will lead to a miscarriage. I had a biopsy 3 years ago on my cervix so that's a worry of mine. :-/ Among many worries..:p


I graduate from training this coming friday and then off to Texas I go. Everyone in my chain of command knows of my...pregnant state...so now my stress is trying to figure everything out: OBGYN, housing, finances, car insurance, etc... -____-

SO much to do, so little time........

"Cry or Smile because this weekend happened." :-)

The weekend was too short...a tease, so to speak.

I made it to Florida close to 1am Saturday morning and spent the night with Jeremy at his dad's house. We woke up early so that he could make it to a dentist appointment (for his root canal), which was supposed to start at 11am in Tampa, but didn't start til 12:30-1pm. After, we drove to my parent's house and then ate dinner with my parents and went out with some great people to have a couple of beers.

Sunday, Jeremy and I shot some weapons at the shooting range. That was some good fun. :-) Then we ate out at a sushi buffet (yum yum) before driving back to my parents...then we drove back that night to his dad's house. :-(

I didn't leave til about 1:40pm yesterday, but it still seemed too early. I miss my boyfriend and I hate being alone, here. I mean, I've met some great people (we even met up yesterday to eat dinner at Panera in Alabama),  but they're not my family or boyfriend.

This life is taking a long time to get use to........I never really thought it would be so difficult...

"Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight." ~Benjamin Franklin

Last day of the first week of this particular 6 week course. (Woot) The week seemed to drag this week....maybe because I actual had something to look forward to this weekend (driving to Florida) that the week just wanted me to suffer and wait longer for. :p

Lots of assignments to do. Today we will be assigned a one-page paper on "My Greatest Challenge" (uh...my confidence. That one should be easy :p) and a 3-5 minute informal briefs on an expeditionary skill (all that down in the dirt/troop movement stuff) and linking it with leadership. Those two shouldn't be too bad. I believe there will be two more "informal briefs" added to my list soon enough.

The one assignment I'm worried about is my 14-15 minute briefing on Nuclear Operations (remember WWII?) and Air Force doctrine. (Whether my position is if nuclear Ops goes with or against our doctrine). I have a bunch to read and sift through....but, it must be done one way or another. haha. OH! Not to mention that I need to guide a 45 minute discussion with a fellow teammate who shares a similar topic. -_____- Lame

Yesterday we learned some Self Aid and Buddy Care. Let me tell you, death by powerpoint is not pretty. I had to buy a large coffee to make it through the morning...and then I was stuck having to use the restroom every 20 mins just because I drank too much. Yesterday afternoon we did some hands-on scenario...which is ALWAYS better than being indoors. Just sayin...

Today! More classroom time...boooooooo....for about 3.5 hours. Then, we get to shoot and qualify on handguns!!! YEY!!!! See, like I said. Inside= bad. Outside= good....unless it's below 60 degrees...then it's bad. :p

Florida today!!!!! Yeah baby!!

"Reality is the leading cause of stress for those who are in touch with it." - Lily Tomlin

Since Saturday...things have gotten fairly better in my dealing with being away from home and starting this new chapter in my life.

I've met some pretty cool people (who at least eat with me at dinner lol).

All people do here is drink...regardless of how early they need to wake up the next day. I told my boyfriend and he says it's a way to keep up morale in a training environment...but, I dunno. Drunken people!!! I have to stay away from doing anything dumb until the weekend, and even then...I am burnt out from wild parties and drinking from college. Plus, with the majority of people here being guys, what makes any female think that it's a good idea to get trashed? Just sayin'.

This week has been dragging, though. My fridge is stocked and breakfast items ready to go...I wish the coffee was better, though. Major fail for the dorm room. :p

Death by powerpoints pretty much explains my days. Luckily (or maybe not so lucky?), we get out of the classroom for pretty much the rest of the week. Today we get gassed, tomorrow we delve into our medical knowledge to work on self-aid and buddy care, and Friday we shoot some guns. ;-)

I have about 20 mins before I have to start my trek over to the rally point. booo.....At least today ends early, it's the middle of the week, and I get to go home this weekend (I hope). :-)

Funky Friday

Still homesick...nothing different there.

Yesterday wasn't all too bad. Woke up at 5:40am, had bloodwork done/urine sample/flu shot, then a weird 3 hour break because some other people were running late. Around 12:30ish I went to get my picture taken for my new active duty military ID and then headed from there to deal with finances (So I can get paid!! Yeah!!...) Of course we won't get paid til the 15th of March, but hopefully we'll get some advanced travel pay by next week.

Met a few more people who want to drink/party, but I'm not in the partying/drinking mood. For some reason I've been tired a lot lately. I turned down going out last night and ended up passing out around 11:30pm til 10am this morning. 0_o

Today I got my car washed and cleaned the inside of my car. The first time ever with my new car and I'll say it looks pretty damn good. ;-) After that, I headed back to the base and made myself go to the gym...I mean, I was already in gym clothes and all. Might as well.

I think I'm semi getting use to the weather. At least, that's what I thought until I looked at the temperature and saw that it's almost in the 60s. lol...Fail

I'm looking forward to driving back to Florida next weekend since it's a long weekend. It will be the only time I can head back there. I can't put too many miles on my new car. :-/ Granted, I'm sure it'll be near 8-10,000 miles by the end of the year. lol If not more....

Back to Hulu I go. I was invited to dinner tonight by the same people I turned down last night. Hopefully it's a good time...

Goodbye Childhood

This week has been emotionally draining and just all around terrible.

I was hit hard with the reality that I'm no longer a kid. My parents can no longer protect me...just continue to guide me.

My boyfriend, who is the most wonderful man in the world to me, is no longer anywhere near me.

I'm alone in a new place...and it sucks.

Tuesday I went to USF to say goodbye to my Air Force peeps...did some errands...said farewell to my coworkers...ate lunch with my parents and finally headed out north to spend til this morning with my boyfriend. Saying goodbye to my parents was heartbreaking without having to throw on having to say farewell to my boyfriend. It doesn't help that I'm emotional. I stress out easily and freak out even more so.

It took my 6.5 hours (thanks to pit stops) to get to my final destination in Alabama. Went straight from checking in to my room, to having a mental breakdown and calling my boyfriend, to realizing that the temperatures are freezing and I have only a skirt for my uniform on Monday.

Needless to say I rushed around til about 5:30pm when I met up with some friends who commissioned with me back in December. I'm going to be a terrible Officer...I don't know why people keep telling me otherwise. I freak/stress out easily and, in my career field, that's no good. I need to find a way to find my calm when shit hits the fan...because shit hit the fan this evening and it could have been bad.

Anyway, despite the fact that I literally know NOTHING about the military...I'm hoping for better days, and hopefully a wealth of knowledge for the next 6.5 weeks.

By the way, my fat ass needs to go to the gym. I WILL NOT fall prey to cold weather excuses! Tomorrow I shall begin again. I hope.

Day: "Too Close To Leaving Home"

It's been about a month and a half since I've commissioned. So far my free time has been spent working, working out, hanging out, packing, and moving....not to mention getting sick...3 times since December. Talk about stress and crappy Florida winter weather combined (40s in the AM and 70s by noon).

In spite of my plans to attend Gasparilla, an annual parade in downtown Tampa that includes pirates, beads, boobs, booze and arrests (apparently this year was ONLY 300 arrests compared to last year's 400!!), I ended up with ANOTHER cold which had me bed ridden all day.

Sunday, AKA yesterday, was the Warrior Dash. It was quite fun. Despite being unable to breathe well because of my cold (I paid $25 for it so I was gonna do it regardless), I think I did fairly ok...escaping with only minor scrapes and bruises. :p I'm definitely glad my sister pushed me into trying it out. Nothing like seeing good looking men in speedos (winky face).



Free Beer! Heck yes.



Getting in the spirit.

My Sis and Me with our free Viking Hats :p

Today was my last day living with my boyfriend. I had to turn in the keys to my first apartment today and move back to my parents. Did I mention that I received a text from my dad reminding me to be home by 10pm? I don't miss it...but I will miss my family and friends. I have never been good at "see you again one day"/"good-byes". Today, when my boyfriend left me to go back to his grandma's (and then parent's house) I cried up a storm....and, guess what? I see him again in 5 days. I just can't do it. Especially with people I love. Change is great...I just wish he could come with me. Military life sucks already.

On a flip note, my "sponsor" down at my duty station in Texas contacted me. He seems like a great guy and he's been helping me out quite a bit. Now to do the stuff that's he's asked me to do....oy...more work.

The packing/moving doesn't end here. NOOOoooOOOoooo.....even at my parent's house I have to dig through all this crap in my room that I have tried to ignore for so long. I just wish I could throw it all away...but my conscience reminds me that donating is probably the best route for the most part. Those trash bags are looking like a mighty good idea right about now.......

Day 34: "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Why do I always find myself stressing out?

The other day I was buying something at the GNC in the mall and they gave me a free magazine (like always). But, this time, I decided to actually flip through it. (What the hell..might as well). I came across an article about "ANT"- I forget what the "A" stands for (I guess I could google it) but basically it's always dwelling on the Negative Thoughts. I find myself experiencing "ANT" a lot lately, but this isn't my first time. I've always been this way. I'm so focused on the negative that I can't enjoy the positive; So afraid of making a fool of myself, or having to endure negative feedback, that I'm keeping myself from taking a risk. 

I don't want to live this way anymore. Especially as a new LT (who starts training in about 3 weeks or so, mind you). I want to be able to step outside all this negative thinking and "just do". Maybe if I make myself believe that's how I want to be, it'll actually happen. 

Yeah, I'm moving from my apartment next month and have a list of tasks to do (paint the wall, renew driver's license and tags, pack, pay bills, etc...) but it will get done without a doubt. I need to stop that stressing crap. I'm gonna give myself wrinkles too early...or worse...a heart attack. 

Yeah, I'm leaving my parents and diving into adulthood of having to pay bills and deal with finances. I've got so many people to help me. I have to stop thinking that I'm the only one in the world who can deal with my issues. They have financial advisers for dealing with finances, ya know.

And, of course, I'm leaving my boyfriend. Why can I not stop dwelling at that fact? I'll still see him through Skype and, you know what, he's right. We won't get the chance to miss each other. We might not be able to hold one another and physically "be there", but we have all this wonderful communication at our disposable and that he knows I'll surely exploit to the fullest. 

Quit the worrying, LT Slacker. You're bound to make A BUNCH of mistakes in life. Take risks, and listen to Eleanor Roosevelt for once in your life (or Nike).

"Just do it!"- Nike

Day 21: "If you are never scared, embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take chances"- Julia Soul

Update of my week so far....

I've been fairly productive, but at the same time the "wait-til-last-minute-and-completely-stress-the-hell-out" side of me is coming through. The last week of January is going to suck since it will consist of packing, painting, and moving my stuff from the apartment I'm currently in to my parents house. At least I'm just a college student and most of the crap I have can be donated or tossed. That first week in February without having to work or really worry about much will be heaven.

Anyway, Tuesday was my errand day. Why do bases, well...scratch that...Why does MacDill Air Force Base have to be so damn confusing? It took me 45 mins and a phone call to a friend (What is this? Who Wants ToBe A Millionaire?) to finally find what I was looking for. 40 minutes of waiting later...I was told I could apply for moving my things online...grr... I also opened a checking account, ate lunch with my pops, stopped at the Dealership, went to ROTC to get my 2d LT certificate (yup, it's official now) and other goodies, worked out, and watched a bit of the Sugar Bowl on T.V. It was a long, fairly productive, Tuesday.

Wednesday...worked...dropped my new car off at the dealership so they could add some upgrades and watched what was supposed to be just one movie. Ever heard of "The Last Exorcism"?  Yeah, well...freaked me the hell out. I was both appalled by the Reverend's antics and just the entire movie in general. The ending was predictable, though....However, I made my friend rent "Dinner For Schmucks" so that I would be able to sleep alone at night in my apartment. Yup, I'm a scaredy cat and I'll show it. Hence the reason why I try to stay away from horror flicks...

Now, back to today!! I'm at work til about 2...6 hour days are baller. Hopefully I can pick up my car today. I'm debating on driving to the University of South Florida to workout at their gym...but I feel ripped off having to pay for parking!! It's ridiculous...and the parking Nazis are relentless. They smell "trespassers" from a mile away...Like finding the will to workout isn't hard enough without having to strategize a parking plan...

Happy Three Kings day, for those who celebrate it! Back to work I go!

Day 18: "“Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.”"

Explanation of my blog name: I am NOT a slacker...at least not when it comes to work. (haha) My coworkers/boss came up with the nickname slacker because I was part-timer, working random hours over the week day. Now that I'm a Lieutenant, my nickname has also increased in stature. lol I like it, therefore my blog reflects the name.

Anyway, it's been 18 days since I've commissioned and about 9 days since I last updated. Getting past the holiday craziness was an obstacle for sure, but now I'm back to work at the office...at least for the next 3 weeks.

I have much to do in the 35/36 days I have left in Florida. Packing, throwing away, donating, canceling, etc...of the things I have in my apartment....but I also want to have fun with family, visit friends, and go to theme parks while I can. Therefore, I'm going to try and do as much as I can before the last two weeks I'm here to hopefully be able to enjoy a stress-free time before I leave.

But hey, I got a new tattoo and a new car...so I guess it's all good. :p

I am determined to get rid of all the negatives from last year, even if that means forgiving that bitch of a woman I wrote about a couple of blogs ago. Eh, I'm ok with it.

Plus, "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." ;-)